October 9, 2010

Am I pretending?

Posted in Uncategorized at 4:32 pm by alextrg

Yes, I am. Pretending that I feel fine. When in actual fact it still hurts a lot deep down inside.

A few weeks back celebrated my eldest sisters’ birthday. In a way I am glad she is now back to work in the hotel industry.

Dads’ memory isn’t getting any better. Apparently he has already gotten my sisters names mixed up.

I am not exactly who am I to my dad, as the only question he asked me was where am I staying.

We had our dinner at a Thai place in Taipan.

As we were walking from the car to the restaurant, could see my dad struggling to go up the stairs, or even simply going up the curb. Felt completely helpless.

My niece has gotten a bit more chatty. She proudly showed me her new dress she got recently.

Am not sure how my eldest sis is coping with things to be honest. Whether or not the both of them have come to terms with what has happened.

I on the other hand have not.

In a few weeks time will be my birthday, in December my moms’ birthday and Christmas… all for the first time without my mom around… Every year, without fail, my mom would call me to wish me happy birthday. And for her birthday I would call home to wish her happy birthday in December.

I would be lying if I said it doesn’t hurt like someone took a knife and stabbed me in the heart.

How does one cope with emotions so deep?

All that aside, I also have to deal with work, which can get overwhelming at times. Mostly because as usual I am picking up after someone’s mess. So far have somewhat completed one major module, which also cost me a Sunday off. Perhaps thats why I am now so damn freaking tired.

Started my Masters with FTMS College, a bit of unexpected turn of events for this… in the whole class of around 10 students, I am the only one with working IT experience. One of them has a Diploma in IT. The rest, zero IT knowledge, and zero IT qualification. This is going to be one bumpy ride, both for them and for me as there are group assignments to be completed. A bit of a challenge with my lecturers as they are from India and they have a slightly heavier than usual Indian accent that I am used to. And the other students are mainly from Nigeria, that also makes me understanding them talking to the lecturer a bit of a task.

Whatever the case, I am targeting to complete my Masters by September 2010, hopefully I will be able to bring my dad to my graduation. We have the option to do our graduation either locally or we can fly to the University campus in UK for it. Plan to start saving up for the flight ticket.

Not sure if it’s because I am stressed, or because I am tired, but I have begun snoring. How do I know? I wake up with a super dry throat, which only happens when I snore. Not sure how loud, but I know it’s there.

Contemplating on going away for a weekend. Not sure if it’ll do me any good.